Today I am excited to be writing to you about something I am really passionate when it comes to the marriage relationship. I have mentioned this topic briefly in previous posts, but today I will share with you my perspective on the Godly love our husbands deserve.
Her husband Elkanah would say to her, ‘Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?’ 1 Samuel 1:8
These I believe are some of the most powerful and introspective questions that a husband asked a wife in the bible. See, Hannah had a closed womb and she was not able to have children. And her husband’s other wife would provoke her, be mean-spirited and cause her to go into this sad state. As her husband asked her these questions, I believe it made Hannah turn back to God and her faith and see where God intended her priorities to be. She still wanted a baby, but she was willing to give the child to service of God for its whole life…a huge sacrifice, just for the joy of having a child with the husband she loved. Her perspective shifted to where she no longer let the longing for a child overcome her love for her husband and her heavenly father.
What is our answer to these same questions? What are the things, people or experiences that we love more than our husbands? Do we daily put things ahead of our husbands? Don’t they mean more to us than TV, phones, hobbies, jobs, children and our lifestyle?
As a child, I was blessed to have a few couples that were an influence to me to show me what it was like to put your husband before your children. THIS IS NOT THE NORM. But I was blessed to have them as an example. Honestly, I feel sad when I see the number of people around me who race around taking care of and putting their children first (sometimes before their own needs) 24/7. This is just wrong. I know that sounds an awful lot like judgment, but it is TRUTH. God never intended for us to put our children in front of ourselves, or our relationships with our husbands. Things get whack, things get hard and impossible when we live this way! Let me share a few examples from our life.
For a time when Derick and I were first married, I put my love for Sean in front of my love for Derick. I was so focused about what was best for Sean, I was completely blind to what was best for our FAMILY as a whole. By putting Sean before my husband I was doing what was WORST for my family. Derick felt left out, hurt, angry, used and down right defeated. The hurt that I caused him in those early years was damage it would take me years to repair in the trust department.
Secondly, there was a long season where I also put work in front of family. Work came first above all else, second to that was my own free time and lifestyle and I was completely leaving my family out of the picture. At the time, I thought I was doing what was best by working to provide for them. But I got so lost…it took me forever to get back to where I was supposed to be.
These where hard times, things ALWAYS seemed off-balance like we were on a runaway train all the time. The time was flying by, I didn’t feel like my life had any purpose and I couldn’t understand why everything felt so hard. My PRIORITIES were all wrong. Here is where God intended our priorities to be as wives and mothers: God, Husband, Self, Children, Work, all else. I DO NOT CARE what your life is like or what season you are in…if these priorities are off, your life will feel off. You will feel like a crazy person. Your family will be in distress. And you will be searching for MORE that will never come because the real fulfillment you need has to come from God.
A lot of us, me included are waiting around for a magical time when all the stars align, we feel ultimate joy, and we have ALL THE ANSWERS. (I am laughing as I type this.) Sister, this is NEVER going to happen. In the bible, God gives EVERYONE basic, simple instructions for how we are to live. They aren’t always specific…but they are there. And they are BLACK AND WHITE. There is no grey area. If you have a husband and are married, you are supposed to love him with your whole heart. You are not supposed to hate him and walk all over him like a dirty rug. You are supposed to respect him at all times…IN FRONT OF ALL PEOPLE. You are always supposed to make him a priority above your children and friends. This is so simple and yet so empowering. It helps make decisions easier, it helps saying “no” when you need to easier.
This is not easy if you haven’t had your priorities right, and it’s not music to ears for most, because it completely goes against the grain of what the “world” would like us to do and believe. But let me be clear, YOU WILL BE BLESSED if you live out these priorities. God will bless you, your husband, your relationship, your children, your work, your life and he will give you the fulfillment you have been longing for. Today, lets choose to love our husbands like Jesus loved us.