Clothes: Day 5

Last night as Derick and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie together I said, “I can’t believe I just spilled this on these new, fresh, clean jeans!” He looked at me and said, “What do you mean, new?” This perfectly describes my relationship with clothes. It also shows that a new tone has been set in the way I speak about clothes because I meant “new, fresh, clean” as in I just washed these and it feels so good to have on clean pants! Derick, bless his heart thought I meant “new” (notice that’s the only word he picked up on?) as in “I bought these this week.” He was probably one, worried I had cheated on “7”. Two, wondering how much those jeans set him back. Three, WHY CAN SHE NOT STOP BUYING CLOTHES!?

It comes back around to my love/hate relationship with clothes. Do I love clothes, yes. Do I love where my dollars are going, no. But even after this was realized I was stuck in this place of limbo because I wasn’t changing. I wasn’t turning away from what I knew wasn’t right. I had made a few small adjustments, and overall had cut WAY back on what I was spending on clothes every year…but the truth is, even with me cutting back it was still too much. The best way for me to GET IT TOGETHER is to shake things up. There has to be risk involved, for me to change–to really turn away from what I am wrongly clinging to.

I love this quote from Jennie Allen’s “Anything” that sums it up, “Stepping out wholly dependent on God to come through, stepping away from what is secure and comfortable exposes the holes in our faith. And then if God comes through, it expands our faith. Something about stepping off cliffs where God leads allows God the opportunity to move in greater ways. When we step off and he shows up, we see him differently than we would if we were standing safely looking over the edge.” 

See, a few years ago I was perfectly comfortable in my reckless spending and ignorance of greed. I didn’t think anything was wrong. I didn’t think that anything NEEDED to change. But then I DID. Sometime in the last few years I woke up to how WRONG I was in being so comfortable. The thing about comfort though, is that we are SO timid to step out of that comfort zone. I wanted to…I really did. But, the how and the why was so scary for me when it came to this one area, for me, this was the hardest thing to work on.

That’s why I had to do something risky, something that wasn’t safe. I couldn’t take it lightly that way. This matter of my heart loving something more than my amazing God, had to stop.

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The great thing is that God is moving into the places of my heart as I am letting my attachment to clothes go. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Prov. 13:12) My longing has been less STUFF and more of HIM. Sharing this with you all (with little one laying here breathing on my typing fingers) isn’t easy. But when it comes to these things, transparency is the best way to help others find their way to get “uncomfortable” and let God move in.

In what way can you get uncomfortable for God today?

3 thoughts on “Clothes: Day 5

  1. Good for you, Sarah! I have always thought you have great style. You know how to pair items in just the right way to make them fabulous. If God has laid it on your heart to scale back in this area, you are so good to follow His instruction. I know it isn’t easy.

    Similarly, I’m struggling with our living arrangement right now. Our home in MO was so beautiful to me, and we’re now living in housing provided by the base. As base housing goes, everyone keeps telling me this is sooo nice, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the lovely home I came from. Logistically, it “doesn’t work” for us either – it has very steep stairs with tile at the bottom and I’m TERRIFIED that we’re going to fall while holding the baby or walking Silas down them. (Two weeks ago, Barry slipped while carrying Sarah, but was able to regain his footing quickly. Three days later, the same thing happened to me with Silas.) Also, it doesn’t have enough bedrooms for Sarah to have her own nursery, and it’s killing me. (Her crib is currently in our room.)

    I’ve never met another person who enjoys decorating as much as I do, so not having the ability to actually display all of the fun things I made for her room is just killing me. We thought we were going to move to a larger, non-military home when our lease expired in a couple months, but the military orders for Barry have altered that. I, naively, thought we could then just move when his orders are completed, but found out tonight that we have to sign another year-long lease in May. UGH.

    As I struggle with my anger/depression over not being able to give my baby a nursery and my fear of falling down 16 stairs with her in my arms, I get angry. Angry with myself because I know half the people in this country raise children in multi-level homes, yet I let it scare me so much. And that’s when it hits me. I wonder if God has brought this challenge in my life – something that seems so minor to most- because I am not showing enough trust in His ability to keep us safe on the stairs? Do I really think so little of His protection? Then I think about her nursery (or lack thereof), and get angry with myself for allowing a room in a house to matter so much to me. I wonder if He is asking us to stay in this house because I am too ungrateful for His provision. Not having a nursery is a first-world problem. In a third-world country, I would be lucky to live in a one-room shack with three generations, and I’m complaining about living in a three bedroom house!! How embarrassing.

    Growing is so difficult! :/

    1. I love this Chrystal. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. You are so right. God wants to see if we trust him. And we get so worked up at “first world problems” that we forget to REMEMBER all he has blessed us with. We each have an area we struggle with, and you are such a sweet soul. I can’t imagine what it would be like to process all the changes you have been through this year! I can’t wait to hug your neck when you are back in MO!! ❤️

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