Last night as Derick and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie together I said, “I can’t believe I just spilled this on these new, fresh, clean jeans!” He looked at me and said, “What do you mean, new?” This perfectly describes my relationship with clothes. It also shows that a new tone has been set in the way I speak about clothes because I meant “new, fresh, clean” as in I just washed these and it feels so good to have on clean pants! Derick, bless his heart thought I meant “new” (notice that’s the only word he picked up on?) as in “I bought these this week.” He was probably one, worried I had cheated on “7”. Two, wondering how much those jeans set him back. Three, WHY CAN SHE NOT STOP BUYING CLOTHES!?
It comes back around to my love/hate relationship with clothes. Do I love clothes, yes. Do I love where my dollars are going, no. But even after this was realized I was stuck in this place of limbo because I wasn’t changing. I wasn’t turning away from what I knew wasn’t right. I had made a few small adjustments, and overall had cut WAY back on what I was spending on clothes every year…but the truth is, even with me cutting back it was still too much. The best way for me to GET IT TOGETHER is to shake things up. There has to be risk involved, for me to change–to really turn away from what I am wrongly clinging to.
I love this quote from Jennie Allen’s “Anything” that sums it up, “Stepping out wholly dependent on God to come through, stepping away from what is secure and comfortable exposes the holes in our faith. And then if God comes through, it expands our faith. Something about stepping off cliffs where God leads allows God the opportunity to move in greater ways. When we step off and he shows up, we see him differently than we would if we were standing safely looking over the edge.”
See, a few years ago I was perfectly comfortable in my reckless spending and ignorance of greed. I didn’t think anything was wrong. I didn’t think that anything NEEDED to change. But then I DID. Sometime in the last few years I woke up to how WRONG I was in being so comfortable. The thing about comfort though, is that we are SO timid to step out of that comfort zone. I wanted to…I really did. But, the how and the why was so scary for me when it came to this one area, for me, this was the hardest thing to work on.
That’s why I had to do something risky, something that wasn’t safe. I couldn’t take it lightly that way. This matter of my heart loving something more than my amazing God, had to stop.
The great thing is that God is moving into the places of my heart as I am letting my attachment to clothes go. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Prov. 13:12) My longing has been less STUFF and more of HIM. Sharing this with you all (with little one laying here breathing on my typing fingers) isn’t easy. But when it comes to these things, transparency is the best way to help others find their way to get “uncomfortable” and let God move in.
In what way can you get uncomfortable for God today?